THE SOLO SHOW INVITATION

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Originally uploaded by thenamewillcarry

I've been asked to do a solo show at this gallery in old san juan. This happened way before i went on vacation. Mid september if i'm not crazy. After i came back from disneys holy land i started to work on this show. Now, keep in mind that i sell my own paintings and have been doing it with some degree of success. I wanted something different for this show. Something new. I have to say the guys from the gallery have been really supportive. They call me almost everyday to ask me how i'm doing and to email the paintings i have done. Awesome people! They want to open a new space in the gallery with a new show and they choose me to complete the new show. Hence the new paintings completely different to my known style. Now the opening is on december 2nd. Gallery nights! in old san juan! a dream come true.
In september, when i had time to work on the show, i was confident on finishing it. Now, half way in, i'm starting to doubt myself. I look at the paintings i've done and all i see is crap. My head is full of images and future paintings that can't come true because there's just doubt in my head. I think i hit the wall... yup like the runners hit the wall. i can hear myself in the background saying what a crappy show this is. i can picture myself in the gallery that night talking shit about the work like it's not even mine. i'm good at that. When i go to other shows i get there with an open mind, it's all mostly crap, but i don't say it or think it right away. I've heard myself defending art that i don't even like. I'm in a slump but i know i can do this, i've had worse. I keep thinking, it's only a show and blah blah blah but that doesn't help. I know it's only a show, i know this! but in the back of my head i keep hearing... it's not only a show... it's my show, my first show! what a way to go to sleep at night huh.